Mind and soul and peace.

More than half of it is in your mind, just there!

This is pretty simple, our lives have problems. Problem-less is synonymous to life-less but full-of-life is clearly not synonymous to tensions for the problems you have.

We fail to understand that our souls are deeply influenced by our thoughts, and peace of mind states that the physical body goes and our soul continuously flows; technically before our goodness, our soul is the only legacy we leave behind : wandering, intermingling and blooming.

So if we keep fretting about our problems, intensifying their existence, we will never get over them. And even if we do, the cycle of life will threat us further that another fix is on its way.

Our mind is indeed, a very powerful thing but a situation of no control is a myth, so we clearly have control over our thoughts, reactions and even reverse psychologies. And trust me making peace will always smoothen your way, aid yourself, aid others.

When you aid yourself and your vicinity, you get this very bizarre satisfaction of being enough. That’s how you build enough peace for your soul. It will bring healthy sleep, each night with you and your little pillow talk of being a worthy child of God, who did the best to keep souls calm.

So solving problems with tension or a smile is your call, either way they’ll get solved. We can’t be stuck for too long, but clearly the smile way is the worth while way.

Make your choice, you’ve got to be answerable to your own soul at least.

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Separation

Just like flowers, People do not bloom in all seasons.

When there is no fault, you can’t reason the uneasiness.

It’s time for you to let them go.

Let them live a life without,

if you carry on, only because you’ve already invested a lot of time in them : It becomes toxic.

People do fall out of love, but it is only when some other love is about to arrive. So letting go will come hard, but the emptiness won’t stay.

The universe has never conspired to deprive your soul of all the love it deserves.

Maybe that is why-All betrayals are guarded by your enormous healing capabilities and all separation is accompanied by some or the other shoulder to lean on.

You’re not going to be alone. Habits will go off really hard, but we take up a lot of hard things in life, don’t we? Only because they’ll make us a better version of ourselves.

So if you’re holding on someone because you’ve bloomed in the past and the present is all gray scale, then my child you need to move on. You can’t be stuck in the same city just because it is a beautiful place, you need to explore still.

The heart. 

*I am going to put together the threads of experiences together till the last, for they form my heart more than any human will. 

*I wonder why it takes time to let things sink in?_Maybe because my soul sews each of them firmly to my heart.

*I don’t know why is it the heart that feels all the hurt, maybe because it’s memory is sharper than the brain? 

*I wonder about the magnanimity of the human heart, how piece by piece it puts together people, places, memories, laughter, smiles, beauty, hurt, pain, tears and so much more in it, as if it were stitching together pieces of fabric to put around my soul to protect it. 

Problem. 

Then one fine day it appears to you that it was never THEM. It was no problem from the counter party. 

It was not their insensitivity but your over concerned demeanour that got you losses.

I hope now you do realise being who you’re and what you want to be, you cannot expect gardens out of places that do not even offer weeds. 

I wonder after all this you’ll change or continue? 

Continue to be the Ocean with immense depth or will you become shallow now? 

I do not have the right to tell you that people shouldn’t affect you because your pain is YOUR PAIN. And no matter what people say your pain only knows your understanding. 

For now i only conclude that when i was a child i was taught not to expect, But isn’t it totally human to wish for water when you’ve served garders to somebody.

But also we’ve got a great deal to reproach for WE EXPECT when we shouldn’t.

And you, you the person in pain, i can sympathise with you and guarantee you the temporary nature of this span of you feeling unworthy. 

But remember this world will always tell you, it is fault.

And maybe it is, it is your fault to have an approach that does not align with others . 

Maybe it is all your fault that you allow all your smell to soothe and allow your flowers to be plucked and allow your expensive bottle of wine to be stolen only because you want to make sure your existence makes a difference. 

Maybe one day, i dont know how soon the counter party knows that their virtues, not all but few have come from a plant they forgot to water and by the time they realize the plant would be long dead. 

I wonder. 

I wonder what is it with me, some days i feel as serene as if i had a halo over my head, other days i feel satanish. 
Some days i am the one distributing the cake, other days i am the one stealing it. 

I don’t know if i am the only piece with absurdity or i had an entire breed like mine? 

I can’t reason my characteristics but can give it a try, some days i know the world deserves goodness otherdays i question, so do i? 

I know i am wrong because if this is my question then it is only my greed, but how do you feel getting emptied every week? 

I wish i could put it nicely so you could understand my pain, ever seen a well? That too, my friend after some will drain! 

i wonder if you realise you’ve taken away from me something i have been known for, i wonder if taking it away ever made you feel the need to keep it safe? 

Have you ever felt the need to come back to me? Not because you want something but it is my face, just my face that you want to see? 

I don’t know if my existence makes a difference, but my 24*7 availability surely is, because there’s where you run when you’ve no escape. 

I wonder if you evee asked yourself if it were right? If you didn’t i want to question your soul’s plight? 

I don’t know if i could help you become a better person, i know you surely were becoming a master at plagiarism. 

I know my ruthlessness never got a stage, for all you’ve assumed is that my heart’s at stake? 

I wonder if you know i feel all of it! 

I wonder if you know that i know you call me on weekdays and not on weekends because you’re working and you need me, your saturday nights are for people you loved and not used. 

I wonder if you know that i have sensed your type, i wonder if you know that my foolishness to help you still stands upright. 

I know i should be giving up on you now, but maybe one day, you’d do this to someone and realize how does it feel to deposit and being unable to withdraw at all. 

What about my rust? 

I wonder how it feels when some soulful human is undoing all the tangled strings of your heart. 

I wonder how if feels when you surrender yourself as if that person were hypnotic. 

I wonder how it feels when you decide to let loose the parts you were sure you are keeping undigged for the rest of your life. 

I wonder about someone who’d let my heart be free and soul be wild and my body unburdened, For i have waited too long for someone who’d touch me at parts i am vulnerably sensible at. 

For am too tired servicing the old screws and nuts of this world, why do they forget about the parts of me that have rusted now? 

For i know when another time,  they come to me for a good repair, I’d be ready with my apprentice and once again my rust will go unnoticed. 

Acceptance, a fear? 

You know the tragic part? 

We fear accepting love openly as if it were a monster. And hatred has been a charmer, always. 

We start walking to our graves from the moment we’re born, Why don’t we realise malice is only shortening that walk and love lengthens it, not in quantified terms.  

for those of you who’d wonder if love would lengthen it by days or months or years. Love lengthens it by moments you’d spent for the paths you tread for others, with others and that my friend, is life! 

Life is when you exact happiness not only for own soul but for others as we’re all souls craving for love to befall like confetti, only because we’re not well versed in coldness. 

And what heart the fire wont melt, Words of love,  will. 

Learn to accept love, for it is all while we are. We’re gone and sob stories won’t reach for all our life we feared acceptance and turned around hoping the other person would understand your gestures. 

I hope you know your soul fears acceptance not because you loath love or you just accidentally fell for someone, but because you fear reflexes, you fear response and that is not a consequence if our love is pure.

So i hope today i can ask your opinion on acceptance and I wish  you’d tell me you don’t fear anymore. 

And if you still fear telling me you love me with all that you got,  I’d try again, in another life, in the parallel universe to get this fear out of you for you dont know the calm it gives to know that there are souls you connect and souls that do not fear the connection. 

But maybe, in another life, i fail again,  Because this garb you wear over your soul telling me gestures are enough comforts you and then in the parallel universe we’ll negotiate that i wont amend you but i will keep trying and you won’t change, but as i said, we’ll negotiate for the fact that we need to fall again in this universe to be there for another time so that we can try again and fail again and try again and go on for an eternity with you laughing our love off and I,  trying to figure you out. 

Power. 

Little do we realize how much power we possess inside the bones and the veins and tiny spaces in between. The fact that tears me apart that we all, as human beings look at ourselves with ways we totally do not deserve. 

By the time we realise that our life is mostly about how we treat ourselves,  we are standing to bid adieu. 

How tragic it is to know and accept that i have cried for people who made me believe that i am not good enough. Irony much that same people have taught me things about myself which have been latent all my life. 

People are like bubbles and so am i, like one of those who dissappear even before you know. And all you’ll be left with is their moistness you  feel post a bubble bursts on your hands. 

i fear losing people, i am using complete simple present because i am not over this influence yet. The degree of fascination is same, what i need to realise is people are no end to your search, you find someone, you might like or dislike them. In case you like them, you stop, you might dwell, but that dwelling is not the kind you live forever in, i do not promote dwelling temporarily what i promote is give up dwelling at all. 

Because of a simple reason, all People are good, sometimes some people are not just good for you that does not make them bad for anyone else. So you do not give up loving at all, you just realise you do not have to fall for everyone and not everyone will fall for you. 

And in the case when not everyone will fall for you, i hope you also realize that doesn’t make you undemanded or out of reach. You are just not the right sync and that’s okay. 

If the thought of anyone not liking you makes you feel anyless important then my friend your soul is powerless. 

Give it power to believe. 

To believe inyour imperfections,your moles, your undone brows, your unwaxed body or your skinny waist, gapless thighs, of curly hair, body piercings, no tattoos, of all tattoos, your flat liplipe, or of the space between your breasts or the birth mark at your back. 

 I hope you have given your soul the power to believe in yourself more than anyone has believed in you. Loving has never been a crime, being stuck im betrayals and not accepting rejections is a sin. 

A sin because you know there is this signal, train has left and you are still not crossing the road because you fear the train might come again, and you might face a betrayal again. You need to cross the road not because i can guarantee you no betrayals but because i see more strength and lustre on the other side. 

also at times you fear crossing the road because you have started believing you’re not good enough, as if the road would ever tell you that your feet aren’t meant to tread on it. 

Why are you ready to push your soul to believe that you do not deserve to fly because the last time you did you couldn’t? 

As if birds fly right from their nests out? 

I hope one day you’d know you could have crossed the signal before time because people leave you but you do not leave you and that, my friend is the biggest gift. 

All you need is your own shoulder, your own hands for that pat and and your little whispers telling you

you gave yourself the power to believe in your own magic and your soul now loves more and dwells less so you deserve this, you love a lot and talk deep, all you don’t do is get stuck, and that is an evolutionary change, you deserve your own pat. 



The lady next door… 

This is a story about an old woman who resides next to my house, I don’t know if i am overstating it all of a sudden or just the fact that I felt something, too strong, it left me with wet eyes. 
So i want to describe my relationship with her. 

Off and on my tuitions in the evening render me free by 6:30 and that’s the time she’s in the verandah, is visible and is trying to let the hustle of the road sink in her, Maybe she’s trying to understand that she’ll never be able to hustle that way, the speed of vehicles excite and sadden her at the same time. But all of this is under a MAYBE, so who knows what she feels? 

I try to understand her, but never interrogate because i dont know if my words might hit the wrong strings, i wont intend to hurt an old lady, someone whose nice to me. 

So when i get into in my house somewhere around 6:30, hungry, and tired. My body asks for a meal but my eyes are constantly trying to spot her because… Habit? confirmation of her well being? CAN’T ANSWER THAT WITH CERTAINTY. 

You know i dont meet her in vain, i see her and she has a rare but lovingly way of meeting me, even when our next meet is lurking few hours away, She holds my hand, and pats my back for a few seconds, and it is only after that i hear her words. 

Oh, did i mention she has no kids? 

i wonder at times, does she feel lonely? Or has she got into a negotiation with her solitude? i want to ask her if she ever had kids? or they left her? or she has never had any? 

I know any person of my age won’t find this entire plot a matter of interest but to me this is my first story, Some feeling that i have only felt while reading other stories or in movies? 

I know you might lose interest because who cares if An old woman resides by my house and she watches the traffic and she hugs me when i see her? I hope by the end i can make you understand my need to jot this down. 

So, we dont meet for the sake of meeting i have a work, she has assigned. She has a candy bar phone and not daily but twice in a week i have to dial that number because she can’t operate her phone. For the initial weeks i did not dare to question about the person she calls. But my keenness was hitting me hard, it was man she called and i had questions about is he her husband? her son? brother? 

But i couldn’t ask! 

It was Diwali evening And she came to my shop (which is adjacent to my house) for buying candles and other diwali related things , and i do not know how she managed to come over because she was too tired to travel back. 

So she has this bag of candles and other things and a walking stick, a back which has not been straight in awhile and was smiling at me and i havent heard words calmer than hers, “Beta, accompany me till next door.”(this was obviously said in hindi)  i dont know what was calm but i was getting to help this woman in a brand new way, i had to walk her home inspite of pushing the buttons on her phone, but something very joyous. Hitting you all with another maybe, Maybe i was happy that despite living alone she chose to decorate her house, buy herself some diwali gift, That was very moving for me as a neighbor and a person who avails phone of friend for her, i still actually do not know her friend whom she makes me call this way. As a maths student i have lived a life of assumption so i have assumed this person to be a friend, probably the only companion in that age. Did i just lose track? Okay, so i am walking her back to home and as her door comes she slightly lifts my hand, the hand with which i held her hand to support her all the way, and she kisses it, Now that kiss was one of its kind, it left me teary eyed, and another list of maybes is on its way

  • Maybe that was the first ever type of kiss i had got. 
  • Maybe i was too happy breaking our stereotypical way of meeting. 
  • Maybe i was fond of her a little more from that day. 
  • or maybe i know the transitory nature of help giving because old age is not trust worthy.

I just left her there and failed to mention this to anybody after that. And i chose to carry on, but i sometimes ponder over the fact that i did not know her name, she doesn’t know mine. We’re neighbors and that’s the only way i can describe our equation. But this nameless bond was enough to make me feel her absence in her verandah in the evening. Also, she must be having no idea i wrote this about her. 

i had questions in my mind until today i developed courage, parked my scooty outside my house post tuitions and right before calling i asked about this man, and the question was answered, the problem was solved, this man, the man i called twice a week for this woman who was anxiously waiting for me to use her phone only to call him. And the answer was pretty much expected, she told me that it was her son. I had prejudiced it all, between the second and first question i asked from her, those 10 seconds of halt between each question of that questionnaire i had judged this man so much so that i had almost rated him the cruelest son who left his mother at that age. But my second question was about his address, to which i got to know he lived in the next lane, 50 steps away and my judgment skills sharpened, at the age of 17 i had no rights to define this mother-son relationship but i was doing it on a level of mastering it almost. And then i finally enquired about why dont you two live together? Even before expecting the answer i had assumed that he might be having a wife and further assumptions about her that i made are pretty much predictable, to my last question she answered that they did not share blood, he was her sworn her and she called him twice a week because he loved him like his mother but she did not want to overburden him by residing with him so she chose to live separately. And how they shared this bond for more than years then and how much they’ve helped each other survive in a world where they had no families. 

I flushed all my assumptions and developed a thick layer of respect for this man who was a means of survival for this woman who was trying to live a life where she magnifies love out of little things. And i as a neighbor now choose to be the same stereotypical helper who is a mediator to this lady, I, for this lady carry hope in fingers because i dial her the way to her survival and I fear being unavailable to her for dialing this number for the rest of our lives. 

 

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